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A day in my world

Yesterday morning I woke up too early to get two of my kids off to school
way to early in the morning. (they have to be at the bus stop at 6:30 am, elementary school)
Guess what I found....
This is a half inch of shampoo in the bathtub
Someone tried to hide the evidence?
Someone short with black feet
You can't tell but there is an entire new bottle of soft scrub coating the floor, mixed with bubble bath and shampoo
I haven't had coffee yet
Notice the wee baby footprint
So I decide to go make coffee and wake up before waking the suspect
Dies!!! (mind you this is after I had swept off the loveseat and swept the floor)
Eyeshadow (loose pigment) finger painting in the middle of the night while Mommy & Daddy sleep?
This explains the bathroom
The rug was white and blue
Ah yes the tiny size 9 baby footprint with chocolate smudge
I guess all that destruction make you hungry.

My 3 year old daughter (my husbands child, I've disowned her) got into my eyeshadow box and dumped every single eyeshadow out onto the loveseat, played in it, got a chocolate snack cake, ate and then tried to clean herself up while destroying the bathroom, then brought her pillow and blanket into sleep on the floor by our bed. (I guess she didn't want to muss up her bed)
So after waking her pigment coated naked butt up and immediately scrubbing her off in the bath (using the half inch of shampoo she poured out) I then spent 3 + hours cleaning and shampooing the loveseat.
Kids will be kids you say? Oh no this child has: painted herself and the entire living room with 2 full jars of Vaseline, painted the bathroom with toothpaste-shampoo multiple times-Daddy's shave cream, my pomade, "washed" the kitchen floor in grape-orange and orange juice, painted the loveseat with frosting- hair gel-and Elmer's glue and at least 2-4 times a week pours the hand soap out all over the bathroom floor.
Where are her parents? the same place as most people at 2-4am....sleeping. How do you stop this?
I have all cleaning, shampoo, hair etc products locked in the bathroom closet, and everything is either put out of my reach so surely she cannot get to it.....WRONG. No matter how many times we move things, lock things up and secure things she find new ways (that we cannot figure out) to get to them or new things to destroy. I already suffer from insomnia I really need the 3-4 hours I do get. We are at a loss as to how to stop her from destroying everything while everyone else sleeps.
Anyway....so when you ask how I am and I say tired, remember these pictures and you'll know one of the reasons for my frequent answer.....I'm so tired!

38 comments:

  1. Nighttime straitjacket?

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  2. Sounds like my kid, altho she would get up and go outside to jump on the trampoline.  I got some of those toddler door grips, it stops them from turning the handle from the inside of their room.  Being 3 she can still open the door but it takes a few noisy seconds and at least I wake up now.  Good luck.....I know you need it!

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  3. if only it were the old days you could lock 'em in their room!

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  4. Thanks for reminding why I don't ever want to have kids :)

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  5. When I was little, I had a thing for rubbing full (big) jars of Vaseline in my hair and scribbling on my gramma's shows with a red pen (I blamed my imaginary friend Azie).

    I have no ideas as to what could keep her from um, being such a creative night owl.  We've gotten lucky and Moose is a hard sleeper!

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  6. On the bright side, she's an artsy one. That half inch of shampoo in the tub looks like a goldfish.

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  7. Oh good lord! I know it's not funny, but I'm kind of giggling over here. I'm so sorry, hun. Umm... at least you know she's creative and has ingenuity, she'll probably be an awesome woman. Until then... I got nothin'. *hugs*

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  8. Have you tried the kids door alarms? They sell them on Amazon for $15. My aunt and uncle installed one for my cousin. It was so loud!

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  9. Wow. That is one creative kid. I could never have found that many ways to be destructive when I was little! My sister used to paint the dogs with makeup and kool aid powder (sometimes colored ice cream), but that was the worst it got. I'm actually a little impressed at your daughter's determination!

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  10. Oh my goodness I am so sorry, and even sorrier that I am laughing. Bless your heart momma, hugs <3

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  11. I have a gate at my sons door. If he gets up he has to stay looked up in his room.Cruel? No! That helps me sleep at night! He has done some stuff similar to this but he's not 2 yet, so I imagine things will only get worse.  

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  12. OMG.  Really - O.M.G.  The loveseat made my eyes boggle practically out of my head!  Geeze.  I only have cats - the smaller brains and lack of opposable thumbs makes it easier to proof the house from them.  Plus it's okay to lock them in the garage for 15 minutes to cool down.  
    Oh, the eyeshadow!  Is she going to be grounded until she's 21, or what?

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  13. OMG! you poor thing. I don't know what you guys need to do.. I'd say put a gate up, but she'll just climb over it..  boy you got a hand full.

    and Meeka I thought the same thing.. lol

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  14. LMAAAAAO is this what you were talking about?!  HAHAHAH...  I love that she tried to wash herself. 

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  15. Oh my GOSH you weren't kidding! That's madness. I wonder about the kid alarm thing, I wonder if that would help you. I swear my jaw dropped when I saw your living room photos! Poor mommy.

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  16. I feel like this should be on http://www.shitmykidsruined.com! xD Damn, that's a mess!

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  17. I was left speechless :D. Me and my fiance, we are thinking about children and oh my god I have to get locking cabinet for my polishes :D

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  18. Hahahahah... I'm sorry, but it's just too sweet and funny - mostly because it's recognizeable to any other parent. :D Miranda had her share of "fun" too, but this kind of mayhem I don't think she ever pulled off! Your baby girl truly is the devil in disguie, huh? ;D Like parents, like baby. Teehee. <3 <3 <3

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  19. D: eeek! I'm so sorry. Ahh yet another reason I shall never have children :P

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  20. Wendy / CydonianMUAugust 25, 2011 at 9:22 AM

    Holy mess, Batman! This scares me even more to ever have kids... that is insane!

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  21. I love the little footprints she left as evidence =). 

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  22. Oh my goodness...We have a 19 month old, and OH MY GOODNESS... this is what I have to look forward too!?!

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  23. I shouldn't laugh and yet I giggle. I work with kids for a living so I have seen all kinds. And heard all kinds of stories from parents. If it makes you feel better this kind of destructiveness and creativity at a young age is usually a sign of incredible intelligence.

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  24. Oh man - I never could have managed any of that when I was a kid...the threat of my mom's angry voice was enough to keep me on tip toe feet when I did anything and everything in her precious, overly clean house. I was practicing dance once in the living room and knocked over the fake aluminum (for show in the front window) Xmas tree (dating me to the 50's as you can tell and 1st generation lava lamps came in when I was a true hippy and in college). I did not break any of the frosted pink balls on the tree - all was fine shortly after. I think the worst I ever did was a total accident at age 4 when I put my crayons on the back shelf of the back seat in my dad's pride and joy 55 black Buick convertible with leather red interior! Guess you won't be sleeping in any time too soon!

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  25. Since the reply option link is not working -..... @Annasartasylum I took it totally to heart to support zero population growth and also never had children. I had my own as loaners for large amts of years a la live in sig other guy who has his one and only precious little gal.

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  26. I just had to laugh.  I know it's not funny but then I didn't have to clean up that mess.  I would have sat on the floor and just cried my eyes out.  I think she's trying to mix up pigments like Mommy.  Maybe you can talk calmly that Mommy needs those shadows to make money.  I don't have any children so I can't imagine this.  Does reasoning with her work? I think your going to have one very artistic child on your hands.  At least she did try and clean up.  No wonder your tired! I guess she will keep you young or age you prematurely.  Big hugs for you.  I really find this all so sweet and adorable.  I love children and wish I had masses of them.  I'm sure you need tons of patience! What a mess on your loveseat.  I showed my girlfriend and she said she's very artistic. 

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  27. Oh my goodness! Kids! Gotta love them! :P

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  28. OH MY GOODNESS. Part of me is laughing and part of me is weeping for you! My kids are 16 and 9 and the youngest--a boy--has put the most white hair on my head.

    Baby gate(s) across her doorway? Baby monitor so you might catch her before she destructs? Toddler door grips?

    And I TOTALLY recommend getting her some bath tub paints/sidewalk chalk/ fingerpaints/etc. The girl wants to be an artist ;) Channel those energies in a positive way.

    Hope you get some sleep. I feel for you. My son didn't sleep thru the night until he was 4. WHITE. HAIRS.

    *Giant hugs*

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  29. I once worked for these people who put security alarms on their home. They armed the alarm every night. ANY window or door that opened caused a notification beep...so their kids couldn't sneak out or around unnoticed...might consider that... I'm so sorry you've got a creative night owl, the creative part is good, the night owl part doesn't mix well with the other though. 
    I would try setting up consequences for breaking the out of bed in the middle of the night rule and rewards for staying put. (But first I'd have some kind of verification process in place.) Goodness, this is just over the top. I hope she's cute as hell, because I know you're () <---this close to disowning her. ;)

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  30. OMG, the day and life of a Mom. She really did a doozie with the makeup, but maybe she was trying to mimic what she sees you doing.  I hope you were able to get everything out of the sofa. Hubby and I decided to wait until our girls were older before we replaced ours.  Too many ink pen and crayon marks on it to justify getting a new one (ha ha).

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  31. What if she sleepwalks like those people who get up and eat or drive or jog, no matter what types of locks/hindrances they use?! Maybe you could set up a camera to check her out in action. What kind of locks are you using? And how many? I'd set up about 15 on that closet door, all different!

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  32. omg I would flip out I'm so sorry!!!!

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  33. OMG, i don't know how was my reaction inside THAT !! We love our children...

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  34. OMG!!!! THERE IS EYESHADOW EVERYWHERE!!!! No wonder you are so tired......

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  35. If you find her a good, safe outlet for all of her artistic tendencies you might find her easier to manage. Maybe try some sidewalk chalk or finger paining on canvases or even nail paint. That way you can monitor her while she does this, and you'll have pretty pictures for her to be proud of that you can hang on the wall. If you tire her out during the day, she'll conk out when night time rolls around! Be sure to take lots of pictures so she can see what fun she was when she gets older!

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  36. Also, locking them up will only make it more of a challenge for her and she will try harder - and she will probably have more fun or potentially hurt herself. Allowing her to express herself in a safe way will hopefully keep her from doing it behind your back. 

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